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Believe without works

Amongst the rocks I run
And where I come from or where I go
Doesn’t matter
The latter is for later and the other is in the past
Fast I run
Over rivers and past cliffs I run
Fully in the moment, just being a component of the environment
Not following any man made trend
But the ups and downs of the landscape I follow
Completely in the flow
But once I arrive at my destination
God puts his hands upon me and sais ‘follow me’
I take a moment of thought but don’t flee
Is this me or is God the Almighty actually calling me
To be free of my own slavery?
To be fully and most competently me?

I choose for a life full
But soon it becomes dull
The once sharp knife becomes blunt;
The eternal life becomes a one day stunt.
Once every week, millions of Christians come together
To hear the voice of God;
Distancing themselves from the other lot.
Those that don’t treat others like themselves,
Those that don’t buy fair and ecological;
Those that do neglect the poor or even all!?

How come millions of Christians can’t change their way of life,
do they really for God’s will strive???

While eating food that poisons our water, buying clothing made by slaves.
‘I sometimes buy ecological!’
The good we do goes in waves.
‘The holy spirit lives in me!’ Cause I sing ‘hallelujah!’ And say ‘hey’ to my neighbor, with lots of love.
Doesn’t that come from the One above?

“Believe without works is empty.”
And that’s what -everywhere around me- I see. Not just ‘no works’, but negative works.

“Love God above all and your fellow man as yourself. “

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Most talk
Empty, useless
Most walk
Full of stress

We live our lives
As though theirs no tomorrow
But in reality, from our kids we borrow
This earth upon which we live

Jona

3 years and 3 days
I thought I could flee from your will
Just follow one of the many ways
Sometimes I do still

Act as if there’s none that pays
But that’s not the case
Without following your law we kill
Just by eating we let your creation get ill

Refugee, child worker, pesticide
In this social war I fight
On the wrong side
Let’s from his Almighty face hide

Let’s run away and don’t look back
But God might say ‘what the hack’
Child there’s nothing you can do
That I can’t undo, I love you

But please surrender to me
Stop doing wrong
Set yourself free
Realise that you’re not strong
Not strong enough without me

+ All is bright
+ I feel the pain
– it’s all right
+ I’m sorry, I lost, didn’t gain
– what you talking about, where you in a fight?
It was night, the street lights shone bright, he had lost a bet, lost a fight. Would soon lose a wife and soon afterwards his life –

Life’s not always fair
Maybe you have none that care for you or none for whom to care.
Life’s not always fair

A smile, a sun ray through the clouds
A kid that joyfully shouts

But soon afterwards lays bleeding and crying, shouting it out
Life’s a rollercoaster that has to be fought or enjoyed

The mirror

I looked at you,
And saw darkness.
The mirror brightened up your face,
But over your eyes there was a haze,
Which showed your inner being.
Seeing that, I was amazed.
With my own darkness I was faced –

4/6/2015

I turned 22
Next time at breakfast it’ll only be me and you
They sang for me as I woke up
Pancakes on my plate, chocolate milk in my cup
Gifts where given and tested out
About a mic cable I had some doubt
Food was plenty, all day long
But it was my family being there that made me feel strong
A place amongst people where I truly belong

The tower

The ugly tower at the station
Looks like it had a bad relation
And just now is coming to that realisation

Unknown

An accident with the train
All passengers quarreling as if in pain
For the few minutes they’d gain
If no person had jumped before the train

Again I sit in a classroom

Again I’m sitting in a classroom, no 20.000km I did walk, I failed. I failed and won, won appreciation for life, for my surroundings, for my easy life. But now and then I am confronted again with the laziness I find myself in. Here once more I sit behind a table, listening to an older person talking about whatever he reckons worth spending his life on. Again I’m only listening with half an ear, again I’m writing instead. This time I write directly upon my computer, paper seemingly is a thing of the past. Together with me 20 others do the same, they sit behind their screens, some on Facebook, some actually writing down what the teacher is telling them.

The most important thing I learned the last 2 months is love, to love someone and be loved back, to see a future together with that person is quite amazing. To see your own reflection in that person and to reflect that person is something I have been searching for. It does lower your freedom, but freedom is not the most important thing in life, as I have found out, I can’t stand true freedom, I need some kind of bondage so I can feel needed, in some strange unuseful way.

Amongst the brainless people I sit, swallowing the knowledge they feed me, no true wisdom is to be found here, no true knowledge. More than ever I see myself as a seeker of wisdom. More than ever I feel there is something left out, something worth pursuing, something actually worth my life. But the way I live becomes more and more the way I think, considering the life I live to be the life to live. My thought pattern has evolved to something wiser, but I am annoyed by the slowness in which I perceive this knowledge, annoyed by my own stupidity, by my own laziness.

People called me a philosopher, a poet, an adventurer (this they still call me, while I am not worthy of this name). Once I saw myself as limitless, as someone who in dignity could be an example for others, miserably I failed. My pride got the best of me, until it became to big to swallow, to big to make true. In my fall I had hit my head, once on the ground I lost my proud appearance. I myself took in the world around me and saw it as normal, saw it as livable, and the things I could not swallow I injected without looking, I made myself blind for them. Now I see myself sitting here, wishing the insights I receive could disappear, wishing I could look away, but not any more, not any more I can look away to what I myself do to others, look away of what our society actually stands for.

I made myself believe I would be able to stand myself living the same way as the rest, found a detour by which I would not see my own actions as wrong. I sit here in a class room and write down my thoughts, write down the same things as I wrote down years ago, and no, I have not changed for the better. I received what I had coming, my laziness brought me back to the present, to the past, a loop that forever will last if I don’t break through. I’d sue myself if I had the strength, I’d spend length of time on self-reflection and come to the same place over and over. It is time I see myself for whom I am, a philosopher without practice, a worthless thinker without action. Maybe things will change, maybe together with the help of others I’ll be able to break the never-ending circle, break free of the bondage that I myself learned to love, the way people love distraction of their studies, distraction of something they might achieve.

Or are all these thoughts egocentric, selfish and not even worthy to be mentioned?
Or is self purification the beginning of breaking free of this selfishness in which I find myself?

I remember the hour, where the beauty of a flower
Would stop me for a while and make me smile

I remember I called you my little pineapple
With you there was no problem to big to tackle

I remember that morning, ice cream we ate
Late the previous night we declared our love

But there came a time where live became tough
The going became rough
As a trustworthy dog I here now lay
But in the end nor I, nor you will stay
A river of tears is not enough to tear open the earth
To bring you back from your rebirth.